.Haze. (shootmeplz) wrote in instant_orgazm,
.Haze.
shootmeplz
instant_orgazm

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Jokes

 

=A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

=Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

=At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,

"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."

=A little boy is sitting in the barber's chair and becoming anxious, so the barber gives him a tootsie roll to keep him quiet. As the barber trims his bangs, loose hair falls over his face. "Do you have hair on your goodie?" asks the barber. "Don't be silly, you old pervert! I'm only eight years old!"

=Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. "One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "I agree. We’ll grab her..." said the second. "Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"

=A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

=A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

 

Thats all for now! Hope you like!

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  • 4 comments
hahahahahahahahahaha... thanks for cheering me up :)
why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
because theyre hand made

whats brown and gurgles?
a baby in a casserole

whats blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
a baby with a punctured lung

what do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
fucked

how do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
nail its other hand to the floor

what do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
art

... still disturbing... still laughable :)
wow.. that was ALL about babies... thats CRAZY!
yeah... cuz babies are funny :)